Doom (noun) fate or destiny, especially adverse fate

Well, it seems I am in a coffee shop with a computer, imbibing caffeine with nameless strangers. How fitting it feels to write.

And the word that comes to me to describe how I feel is doom. And the more I've thought about doom, my doom, the more I grow to love it. That sounds peculiar even to me, and I'm writing these words.

My doom is death.

How often do we think about death? How often do we pause to consider that we are finite, that one day we, as we know ourselves, end?

I feared this doom. I still wonder about it, still am not excited about it. Do I fear my doom? No, because in a way I feel as though I'm already meeting it.

The Christian life is a life of doom, I'm afraid. No, I'm not afraid, actually. I'm quite joyful, really. Doom because it is the process of subjecting one's self to a life of discipline, of self-denial, of death to ones self and selfish desires, self-centered plans and schemes, a laying down our self-preserving rights.

In place of that death, we have life so glorious it is hardly anything to count those other things as loss. I've been struck by that phrase - "to count as loss". We're taking an account of our lives, and saying "Well, that part of my life is gone. It's there no more." I'm not saying it's this for everybody, but for me, it may mean that my dreams of graduate school are a "loss" - but what loss? Because when I think of what I gain, there isn't really a loss. It's a grossly imbalance trade our God has offered. The grandness of His presence in our lives forever, the privilege of being involved in His plans and purposes in the World, in exchange for our measly, prideful, misguided plans.

And when we embrace that doom, truly, what have we to fear?

Because if we embrace that doom, we have nothing to lose. Only everything to gain.

And that's DANGEROUS.

Man.

Am I perfectly embracing this doom? Heck no. It's not easy. It can be downright difficult.

But WOW is it GOOD!