Lessons From David on Leadership

I have been working through 1 Chronicles lately, which at times is not exactly an exciting read. However, today I was completely blown away by David's words of wisdom to Solomon as he was preparing to "pass the torch."

“And you, my son Solomon, acknowledge the God of your father, and serve him with wholehearted devotion and with a willing mind, for the LORD searches every heart and understands every desire and every thought." 28:9

At first, this seems rather obvious and unassuming. However, I considered David's past, which we had just recently looked at in my own leadership class in an article called "The Bathsheba Syndrome" or something like that. We were asking the question "Can somebody who was at the top, who seemed to be moral, ever be trusted once they've fallen hard?" I know that David's regime unraveled after his adultery with Bathsheba, the lies and cover up, and ultimately the murder of Uriah.

Clearly, though, from this passage, I would say that David had indeed learned much over his life. Later on, in the next chapter, David is praying about the immense offering brought in by the heads of Israel for Solomon's construction of the temple. He says in 29:17, "I know, my God, that you test the heart and are pleased with integrity."

So, what is important in leadership? Motivation. Integrity. The state of the heart. We can fool men, sure. But not God. Before Him, we're naked. He tests the heart.

Valuing Virginity.

I have realized lately how little I have valued the fact that I have never had sex. Perhaps this is an uncomfortable topic, but I still want to write about it, I guess.

Some background behind the sparking of this thought...

When somebody was discussing angry e-mails received by an office on campus that distributes discounted condoms to the student population, a listener commented (in a mock response to the "religious" writers of these e-mails who don't approve of pre-marital sexual intercourse) "Have a miserable life."

My friend was in a SVSU production of The Vagina Monologues, and as such I went to see it (likely wouldn't have done so otherwise). I arrived halfway through (had a class), and the discussion was on a girl who had been injured down yonder and later raped, but then found her "savior" in a woman who, to my understanding, either had oral sex with the girl or some equivalent and then taught the girl to masturbate. (Hitting on some big ones here, aren't I?) There were also pieces about a female sex worker who enjoyed the different moans she could get out of her woman clients, women's rights in the Middle East (greatly enjoyed that piece...probably because it was about women and not their vaginal adventures, but anyways), and childbirth (also nicely done!). The point of the production, from what I understand, is to help women appreciate their sexuality. Don't know if I actually walked away from it with that, but moving on.

This production was on Monday (Valentine's, anyone?), and later on that night my boyfriend Jesse was coming over. I was excited to see him, and was discussing it with my roommate. She asked if he would stay the night, and I said no. She looked quizzical and asked why he never stayed over, and I replied that he and I don't sleep together. "I have heard of such a thing, but never met anyone who actually did that," is more or less what she said. We got into further discussion about it, but the end result was a realization on my part how powerful a testimony practicing abstinence is.

Sex is so very complicated. Well, in some ways - physically it seems to be a pretty straight forward affair. But going through pre-marriage training a few weeks ago revealed how many purposes sex has in a relationship. It bonds people together emotionally. It develops a relationship. Yes, it is (reportedly) fun. There are younglings that come out of it (that's pretty wild to think about, huh? life coming from love).

So yes, I am a virgin. And I'm not embarrassed of this. I am learning to embrace it, to celebrate it as beautiful. To cherish it as a rare gem. To be more diligent in protecting it.

Jesus looked deeper than mere physical formalities, however. He took things deep, right to the heart of the matter. For example, just looking at a woman lustfully, Jesus said, was adultery. Jesus raised the stakes of obedience, and I know that on that scale I have fallen short. There is mercy and redemption, thankfully.

And so, encouragement. To my Christian friends - don't look at the "no pre-marital sex" arrangement as a mere rule. It is so much more. It is an opportunity to shine Jesus. Don't be embarrassed at inexperience - cherish it as something beautiful and rare. Maybe there's been some mistakes. Start new. His mercy is new every morning.

I want to live my life for Him in every way, including sexually.

Only the Beginning

It's been a while, but much has happened since my last entry here.

Part 1: Bending my Knee

I spent the better part of last year praying, asking the "What's after college?" question that is running through many of the minds of those about to graduate. It was a series of interesting events that only make sense in hindsight. For one, I was certain that God would reveal all when I went to New Zealand. Well, in a way, He did, but not as I expected Him too (that's the problem about our wants when measured up against His, isn't it?).

Before leaving for New Zealand, I had been stuck on the word "generation," more specifically, my own generation. I didn't know what it was all about, or why I would be caught up on this word, but I went with it. While in New Zealand, I attended Arise Church and got involved in a small group there. One of the life group meetings was called a "Huge All In" and basically entailed all of the college age groups getting together for a night of worship and a message from the main pastor. Real cool. Anyway, while at this All In, I got an unexpected yearning for my generation and for the up and coming generations. We need to carry the gospel into the future, we need to be able to stand in the face of persecution and boldly shout back at the devil the one-word battle cry of the Rohirrim: "Death!" So there was piece number one: college students, my generation.

I took that one and kept it, obviously. It was such a beautiful moment, finding my heartbeat. However, so much was whirring around in my mind that had to be burned off. The Corinthians verse I identified, the pain of last semester and all of the refinement makes so much more sense now.

So, I took the one piece of the puzzle and tried to make it work in a variety of different ways. Should I be a Resident Director? A worker in the Office of International Programs? A Professor? All of those would allow for me to be in contact with the next generation, for sure, but none of them really seemed to be "it".

Instead of praying "God, what job should I have?" I began to pray "God, where is my mission field and how do I best accomplish that mission?" That made all the difference. I think it was the first Sunday in January that a vision was told about in church, which basically said that "you feel as though you've come to this place; you've been looking for a path, but don't see one ahead; the path will be clear" (extreme paraphrasing, but you get the drift). I knew it was for me, stood for prayer, was prayed over, and over the course of that week or the next few weeks, I arrived at what I had deep down known was the answer: college ministry. How will that look? What will I do? Well, that's up to God. But I do know that after bending my knee to God, I have been growing spiritually at a deeper level than words can go.

Part 2: Missionaries

I had the opportunity to go with my good friend Emily to her orientation with Globe International. Emily is in the process of becoming an overseas missionary and will be leaving to begin this adventure at the end of September. Two of my other good friends, Ashley and Michelle, also went through the orientation at the same time. I can't even begin to say how excited I am for them all!

The trip wasn't for me in the sense that I wasn't going there to be invested in myself, but rather I was going there to invest in them. When the realization of that hit me, it didn't bother me but only confirmed that I had made the right decision in coming. I want to be the defensive and offensive line for our missionaries. I was really impacted with all that it means to be an overseas missionary this weekend, and not just in the normal way, but spiritually, I seem to have "gotten it." On Tuesday night, we were worshiping together along with the current IGM class and it was just awesome when I thought about the company I was keeping. I know that they're people just like me, but at the same time they're not. They've been called to give it all in ways that in my foreseeable future I have not been.

In a way, my own "international adventures" chapter feels as though it was closed. I think my international experiences to this point have been purposeful, but not necessarily kingdom focused in the way that they would have to be to be an international missionary. And knowing that my mission field for the time being is amongst the "college-age" tribes, I am thankful for that realization. I can singlemindedly focus upon my own mission and not get caught up in my own ambitions.

Part 3: An Agent of His Provision and Love

I had an awesome experience today. Awesome. I was on my way home from the Ryder center after working out (2 mile run plus some upper body weight training...I was a stinky mess) and a woman approached me from one of the bus stops on campus.

"Baby girl, please help me! We need change to get on the bus to get home!" she said in a hoarse voice. "I've been in the hospital and I need to get home!"

Knowing what I know now, SVSU serves as a switching point for the local bus system. She and the man she was with needed $1.20 each in order to get on the next bus to get home.

"I don't have any change on me, but I'll be right back," I said as I set off. I don't think she believed me. I grabbed the last of the free money I had in my room and headed back to the bus stop. Now, what was neat about this whole situation was that it didn't feel like it was me doing this, and I don't know quite how to describe it other than that. I knew that I needed to get them this money, that I needed to pray with them, and that I would have just enough time to do both. Long story short, I was able to pray for Jackie and her sister Carolynn (in the hospital in an induced coma with pneumonia, if you feel like praying) and Leo, all for health and for peace. Just as I finished praying, the bus rolled up, Jackie hugged me, and we parted ways.

I am expecting more things like this, I suppose. I was so thankful to have been able to represent Jesus in this way, to have the boldness to know what to do and how to pray for them. A part of me wants to say "You've been had - they didn't need that money" or "Your prayers were too bold - healing for her sister? Healing for her arm?" But that doesn't matter. God will do what He will do, and somehow I do think that He may just have a miracle waiting for Jackie. Oh, how I hope so! But it's His name and His responsibility, I just obeyed what I knew I was supposed to do. Not so much for Leo, but for Jackie. I hope that she will grow closer with Him because of today.

And so, here I am at the end of one thing (college) and at the beginning of another. I am excited for what is coming, to see what God will do. I mean that with all of my heart. :)

All my love!

Gracie