Can...or Will?

I've heard it taught more than once that when a person prays for healing, faith isn't so much believing that God can do something as that He cares and that He will do something. That something might not look like what we hope for or what we desire, because His ways are so much higher than our ways, but He does act.

I was driving home from assisting with our Youth Group last night and was thinking about my future with God and His Kingdom. The destiny that God has for the real me (the one I can become if I embrace Him fully - the one I was meant to be without sin and clothed in His power and glory) is there. I can do it. I have no doubt.

But for me, it seems, the question is not so much whether I can, but in whether I will. That has always been the question. Will I step up? I know I have giftings. So many gifts. I can do the things, and even more so with the power of God in me as the Holy Spirit fills me.

But will I use them?
Will I accept responsibility?
Will I take action?
Will I accept the costs of building the kingdom of Jesus and warring against the kingdom of Satan?

I've been quite good at finding what I can do comfortably. I can travel the world comfortably, by myself, make new connections, or go on international journeys with nobody connected to me. I can excel academically, write award winning work, soar and achieve the utmost.

But, given the opportunity, what will I do? Will I really lay it all down in surrender to the one who paid for me? Will I really pour myself out into the next generation in faith that my efforts will not be in vain? Will I really?

It is a choice. I have free will. There is a destiny available -will I seize it?
Gracie

Generation (noun): a type or class of objects usually developed from an earlier type

In the movie Sunshine, astronauts are on a desperate mission to save mankind. The sun is dying, and they have the materials necessary to give it a "jump start", so to speak. It is a final push, as the mission had already been attempted and failed.

Cassie, one of the astronauts, asks another astronaut upon his awakening:
"Good dream? Let me guess…the surface of the sun? Only dream I ever have. Every time I shut my eyes it's always the same."

This quote has been restlessly poking at my mind for a few months. I am realizing now how it fits so well with another movie scene that has been with me for almost a year, battered by my thoughts like a stone on an ocean shore.

The riders of Rohan arrive to Minas Tirith to find it besieged by the seemingly immeasurable armies of Mordor. The situation appears quite hopeless, for though the Rohirrim are a cavalry of several thousand, engaging in battle seems like a death sentence. Yet, defiantly, they raise their spears and swords, sound their horns, and shout "Death!" with such force and acceptance that I get goose bumps thinking about it. They charge in to wage war against the all-consuming, unmerciful evil.

Both of these movies are overflowing with self-sacrifice for the good of people in dire need, who otherwise have no hope of making it. In Sunshine, the mission is all consuming to the point where all that can be seen in the subconscious is the surface of the sun. All die as a result of the mission, some consumed by the very sun itself, but they succeed and the fate of the earth is postponed. In Return of the King, the battle cry "Death!" is a resolution of doom, of resigning ones self to a bloody end for the sake of a city of people who are overwhelmed by an enemy seething with hatred.

Without wanting to sound too melodramatic, that is how I want to live my life. Resolving to die to myself and charge into the fray, giving myself to reach out to people who are ravaged by the enemy of the one true God. Recently, I have been reading in the book of Ephesians. I was struck by the very familiar phrase of how God has prepared good works "in advance" for us to do. Once again it brings me around to the question of "what is it that I am to do?"

Part of the answer to that question is carried out on the micro level, and I think that gets overlooked. Day by day, there may be opportunities that God has created to bring forth the good news about the peace offering he made millennia ago, as well as opportunities to represent His love and mercy and grace, and justice and holiness, to a broken and corrupt world. Jesus' ministry and outreach was full of these opportunities to heal and teach.

These micro-events cannot be forgotten in the business of living day to day life. I've realized how very easy it is to get distracted by the things we must do to function in life. Working, driving, eating, time with family - all good things, but the steady cadence can dull the mind. I want to stand at attention, not at ease.

But as for the macro-level answer to "what am I to be doing?", I do believe that one can receive an answer to this question from the Lord. It may not make sense at first, and it may take a lifetime to come to fruition. Jesus had a clear big-picture purpose that he continually alluded to throughout the time of His ministry - the cross. I've been seeking the answer to this question for a long time. Somehow, some way, the answer has to do with the next generation.

It stuck out to me last summer as I was worshipping the Lord with my brothers and sisters in New Zealand. Before leaving on the trip, the word "generation" had been bothering me, like the above quotes and scenes have bothered me. The song "Hosanna" by Hillsong has the following verse in it:

"I see a generation
rising up to take their place
with selfless faith,
selfless faith,
I see a near revival,
Stirring as we pray and seek,
We're on our knees,
On our knees."

I don't think it's a mistake, looking back, that Arise Church has a heart for a new generation. Looking back, it seems that it was the right place for me to go, to see what was happening in New Zealand: a surge of young people rising to take their place and serve the Lord.

God has prepared good works in advance for us to do. What has He prepared for the next generation? How am I a part of it?

Recently I have been so moved by how active the Lord truly is in the world. I've been reading with piqued interested the newsletters that are coming in from our missionaries at the church, have heard marvelous reports from missionaries visiting in person over this last month.

We're all caught up in the mighty purposes of our Father. His story, not ours. Our lives are hardly a paragraph of a chapter in His story, the story of eternal glory and wonder interacting with broken depravity. It's all so big, and puts my own life in perspective. But humbly I offer it, and hope that I, like the Rohirrim, can cry "Death!" as I charge into the fray.

Doom (noun) fate or destiny, especially adverse fate

Well, it seems I am in a coffee shop with a computer, imbibing caffeine with nameless strangers. How fitting it feels to write.

And the word that comes to me to describe how I feel is doom. And the more I've thought about doom, my doom, the more I grow to love it. That sounds peculiar even to me, and I'm writing these words.

My doom is death.

How often do we think about death? How often do we pause to consider that we are finite, that one day we, as we know ourselves, end?

I feared this doom. I still wonder about it, still am not excited about it. Do I fear my doom? No, because in a way I feel as though I'm already meeting it.

The Christian life is a life of doom, I'm afraid. No, I'm not afraid, actually. I'm quite joyful, really. Doom because it is the process of subjecting one's self to a life of discipline, of self-denial, of death to ones self and selfish desires, self-centered plans and schemes, a laying down our self-preserving rights.

In place of that death, we have life so glorious it is hardly anything to count those other things as loss. I've been struck by that phrase - "to count as loss". We're taking an account of our lives, and saying "Well, that part of my life is gone. It's there no more." I'm not saying it's this for everybody, but for me, it may mean that my dreams of graduate school are a "loss" - but what loss? Because when I think of what I gain, there isn't really a loss. It's a grossly imbalance trade our God has offered. The grandness of His presence in our lives forever, the privilege of being involved in His plans and purposes in the World, in exchange for our measly, prideful, misguided plans.

And when we embrace that doom, truly, what have we to fear?

Because if we embrace that doom, we have nothing to lose. Only everything to gain.

And that's DANGEROUS.

Man.

Am I perfectly embracing this doom? Heck no. It's not easy. It can be downright difficult.

But WOW is it GOOD!

Living Like the Moon

Okay, so I know that many (if not all) of my posts center on Christian topics. Not sure why I'm writing this, because if you weren't interested I would just be tuned out anyways. Ultimately, I have decided to fully embrace what I believe to be true with all my heart, and these writings flow from those convictions.

Anyways - on to lunacy. The moon, that is. As we know, it does not emit its own light but rather reflects light from the sun. Perhaps you've even heard the metaphor behind my post, that Christians ought to live life this way - reflecting divine light.

Okay, now roll with me. I have pondered this metaphor for a while. We do indeed reflect that light, but so much of the original is maintained. What of the total eclipse -- where the moon is completely lost in the sun, where its features are no longer discernible, but all that can be seen in the sun's radiance around it?

Not sure if I'm 100% happy with either metaphor -- probably a mixture of the two. But I think the thing for me is the surrendering of my own identity. To not be identified as the moon by my craters and such, but to be completely lost in His glory.

(Interior monologue: Don't say those things! All you'll make people think is that you're a religious lunatic! Haha - lunatic! Nice pun, considering your subject matter.)

The Other End of Goodbye

Time and time again, it seems, I've packed up my bags and headed off to some foreign land.

But now I'm on the other end of goodbye.

Now she goes off into the unknown, to places that those of us back here will never understand, no matter how detailed her e-mails, descriptions, and blog posts. To places full of people that she'll never see again once that window of time passes, but she'll have to invest herself into them anyways. To her, the unusual will become the norm.

I've been on that side of goodbye.

I'm on a different side, now.

The side of being so full of love for somebody as she follows God's purpose.

The side of asking Abba to take care of the friend I care for so much.

The side of support, sacrifice, and surrender.

I was thinking about that -- how awesome it is to experience the surrendering of a friendship for God's glory and purpose. Hard. Difficult. But so wonderful.

It's like the dark side of the moon, this side of goodbye.

But here I am, and it ain't that bad.

And so, Hello Goodbye.

Oxymoron: figure of speech producing an incongruous, seemingly contradictory effect

Google image search: "victory"

Victory. Triumph. Conquer. Defeat one's foe.

Google search: "surrender police"

Lay down rights. Submit to authority of another. Disarmed.

Google image search: "worship"

Victorious surrender.

Transform: to change in condition, nature or character

This is a love story.

The story of how I fell in love with God. And this summer, it has also been a story of transformation. What some people might call "a testimony".


Transformation - to change in condition, nature, or character. Before looking at the finished product, what was the original material? Who was I?


Sometime at the end of Middle School and beginning of High School, I started going to church and became a Christian. Youth group became a big part of my life - most of my closest friends were there, church was #1. I faced difficulties - unrequited crushes, interesting family dynamics (it was hard for me when my folks started going to a different church) - but overall things were good. I started college at SVSU in 2007, had the privilege of studying abroad in Belgium and traveling Europe, meeting Jesse, traveling to Nicaragua for missions training, being an RA and Writing Center Mentor and completing an Honors Thesis, interning in New Zealand, being a part of the Roberts Fellowship and spending a whirlwind 2 weeks in Asia. I graduated Summa Cum Laude...and didn't know where to go from there.


As I write that out, it looks like a perfectly wrapped little package. And I did grow spiritually and encounter God in many different ways, but there was never a transformation. My pastor always says that when you encounter Jesus, you change. There were adjustments along the way, and character refinements, but it was hard for me to think of a true blue, before and after testimony.

Yet once I left where I was so safe and comfortable - academia - and entered the "real world" (a term I used to scoff at regularly), I felt naked. Vulnerable. Humbled.

See, I had been a good person. I had done good things, enjoyed some successes, said kind things and had friends that could be brought home to mum and dad. I hadn't become a partier at school. And these are good things! I'm not saying that at all. But I was only controlling the outside (very Pharisee-ish) -- the inside needed an encounter with fire.

There's an up-north activity here in Michigan - tubing. Very leisurely activity. You are in your bathing suit, grab an inner tube, and float down a river. I think that in some ways my life has been like this. I had been in a stream (elementary, middle, and high school) that had a direction to it, a flow to it. I just had to avoid rocks or getting stuck in trees. The stream dumped into a river (university). Bit bigger, but again, avoid rocks and getting stuck in downed trees and things were okay. School hasn't been difficult for me. Work, yes, but not difficult like it is for many people. I'm thankful for what God has given me, to be sure. But then the river emptied out into the ocean. There was no longer a set direction, a set flow and destination.

I turned to God. Really turned to God. Not casually, but purposefully. Desperately. I submitted to Him, stepped out in faith that He would show me where to go, what to do. I devoured the Word. And wouldn't you know it - He was there. He walked with me.

Humility is the central focus of life right now. And being a part of the local church.

I don't know what else to say, other than I am learning how to focus more sharply on God, and to be less about myself and more about Him and His purposes. It's been a magnificent summer encountering God.

Cripple: (verb) to disable, impair, weaken.

Recently I watched a show entitled "Intervention."

I was struck with a very powerful realization - love has the potential to both inspire and cripple, and the latter of which is my focus.

The particular episode I watched was about a man who was a methamphetamine addict. Out of love for him, his mother allowed him to have a tent in the backyard where he could live, would give him a bed inside when he was going through withdrawals (where she was at his beck and call -- understandably so, because withdrawals are nasty). But all in all, this love was not healing but crippling and enabling a destructive lifestyle. He made all of his meth at home, with the knowledge of his mother.

At the leaders' meeting at church Sunday evening, the topic of discussion was on the procedures that we have in place for giving to those in need. And this is something I'm beginning to understand as a leader: expectation. There do have to be expectations. For example, helping somebody pay an electricity bill. It looks like as a part of receiving that help, the receiver is to come in and work out a budget so that they can manage their money from that point forward. They're expected to work if they're able to do so.

To not have any expectation that people will get well, will move on to bigger and better things, is crippling. Granted, this goes along with the issue of whether or not people are interested in getting well, in moving on to bigger and better things.

In essence, moving onwards requires us to leave the present behind us. This requires strength, as the present is comfortable, and the future is unseen.

But you know, the song from Hawk Nelson puts it best:

"we're the ones who believe in the things unseen."

Thoughts about Human Rights

This post could be unpopular.

I was watching a documentary on HIV in Africa called Miss HIV. Part of it discussed overcoming the stigma attached to HIV so that people wouldn't be ashamed to reach out and get help (typically, antiretrovirals, which, as I understand from some very basic and quick research, keep virus levels low and improve quality of life for those who are infected with HIV).

A part of this documentary focused on prevention campaigns. The International AIDS Conference in 2006 had some very interesting reactions to abstinence. Many presenters (cheered on by a rowdy crowd) discussed how abstinence-based AIDS prevention campaigns were not good for women for a variety of reasons: in poorer countries women are sex workers, the woman can be faithful but the man can run around, and so on. Condoms faced similar arguments: a woman can only request that her partner wear a condom and that isn't fair to her because she's not in control. Basically, the cry was for the power for prevention to be put in the woman's hands through anti-viral creams/lubricants, etc. Discussion of Uganda's "ABC" approach (Abstinence, Be faithful to your partner, and if you can't, use a Condom) at this conference brought a chorus of "boos" from the audience. Apparently, the thought is that abstinence based programs violated people's "right to sex", which is where my real discussion begins, I think.

What is a right? A just claim or title to something. Okay. I'm good with that. People have a right to life. A right to have press that tells the truth and won't be punished by the government for doing so. A right to liberty. A right to pursuit of happiness (which if I understand the founding fathers, meant the right to make money).

At a church event, "Digging Deeper", we've been going through the Old Testament. Something struck me about God during one of the recent sessions: that He respects our authority and lets us make decisions. Respecting our authority means allowing us to live with the ramifications of those decisions.

So, I guess my conclusion is this: we absolutely do have a God-given right to make decisions for our selves. A person can decide to have as many sexual encounters as they like. As many abortions as are wanted. As many Krispy Kreme donuts. As many people dead as they want. But making those choices doesn't make them right. We have a claim to freedom of choice because God gave that to us and respects what He has given. But He also has a set of laws designed to govern our choices.

You know, in the film Beyond the Gates of Splendor, they were talking about an extremely violent tribe in the Amazon basin of Ecuador. One man noted that the things that that culture valued were individuality and equality. Taken to the extreme, these values that Americans share with this tribe resulted in something quite ghastly. When an individual was offended, he felt that he had the right to "spear" the offender.

So we have the right of choice. We can choose to do something, but we also have the right to choose not to do something, and I find that that right is ignored because it's "boring." Because it forces us to control ourselves.

Like I said, unpopular. But it is how I'm beginning to understand what's happening around me. And believe me, I wanted to give the "rights" aspect a fighting chance. I've been wrestling with these questions for a while, but such are my conclusions.

On Being Angry with God

There have been two movies which I have watched that have gotten me angry with God: The Mission and End of the Spear. The parts which sparked this anger stick out so vividly to me. In The Mission, it was that opening scene, with the missionary tied by the Natives to a cross and sent to float down the river, where he would meet his death by being hurled over a waterfall. From The End of the Spear, what did me in was watching the father say goodbye to his children, and then be speared to death by the people he went to go and help.

Angry.

Upset with God.

I watched The End of the Spear this afternoon for the first time. I wept. Bitterly, even. "Why?" was all I could ask God. "Why? Why send your people out to die?"

This gets at an issue I have been facing for most of my Christian life: the fear of martyrdom. There was a call on my life to go to missions when I was young. I was afraid. Afraid of the pain and torture that might accompany it. And so, now, anger. Why do the people He loves have to go and be killed?

I placed myself in the families shoes - what if Jesse and I were married, and he went off into the jungle and never came back? I was angry.

I know the answers to the question. I know the verses. Please don't throw those at me. It is a heart issue, not a head issue.

Anyhow, the heart issue is being solved out. Everyday, I come to understand Christianity more and more. More of the purpose, more of the workings of the tides that lay below the surface of the ocean waters. And today may be the beginning of a change in thoughts in regards to this thing that makes me angry with God. Really truly realizing that people's salvation is more important than my life or the lives of those that I love. Truly realizing what a "missionary" is.

I am so small, and all of this is so much bigger than me and my life.

To the missionaries, who truly give their lives.

Gracie

Lessons From David on Leadership

I have been working through 1 Chronicles lately, which at times is not exactly an exciting read. However, today I was completely blown away by David's words of wisdom to Solomon as he was preparing to "pass the torch."

“And you, my son Solomon, acknowledge the God of your father, and serve him with wholehearted devotion and with a willing mind, for the LORD searches every heart and understands every desire and every thought." 28:9

At first, this seems rather obvious and unassuming. However, I considered David's past, which we had just recently looked at in my own leadership class in an article called "The Bathsheba Syndrome" or something like that. We were asking the question "Can somebody who was at the top, who seemed to be moral, ever be trusted once they've fallen hard?" I know that David's regime unraveled after his adultery with Bathsheba, the lies and cover up, and ultimately the murder of Uriah.

Clearly, though, from this passage, I would say that David had indeed learned much over his life. Later on, in the next chapter, David is praying about the immense offering brought in by the heads of Israel for Solomon's construction of the temple. He says in 29:17, "I know, my God, that you test the heart and are pleased with integrity."

So, what is important in leadership? Motivation. Integrity. The state of the heart. We can fool men, sure. But not God. Before Him, we're naked. He tests the heart.

Valuing Virginity.

I have realized lately how little I have valued the fact that I have never had sex. Perhaps this is an uncomfortable topic, but I still want to write about it, I guess.

Some background behind the sparking of this thought...

When somebody was discussing angry e-mails received by an office on campus that distributes discounted condoms to the student population, a listener commented (in a mock response to the "religious" writers of these e-mails who don't approve of pre-marital sexual intercourse) "Have a miserable life."

My friend was in a SVSU production of The Vagina Monologues, and as such I went to see it (likely wouldn't have done so otherwise). I arrived halfway through (had a class), and the discussion was on a girl who had been injured down yonder and later raped, but then found her "savior" in a woman who, to my understanding, either had oral sex with the girl or some equivalent and then taught the girl to masturbate. (Hitting on some big ones here, aren't I?) There were also pieces about a female sex worker who enjoyed the different moans she could get out of her woman clients, women's rights in the Middle East (greatly enjoyed that piece...probably because it was about women and not their vaginal adventures, but anyways), and childbirth (also nicely done!). The point of the production, from what I understand, is to help women appreciate their sexuality. Don't know if I actually walked away from it with that, but moving on.

This production was on Monday (Valentine's, anyone?), and later on that night my boyfriend Jesse was coming over. I was excited to see him, and was discussing it with my roommate. She asked if he would stay the night, and I said no. She looked quizzical and asked why he never stayed over, and I replied that he and I don't sleep together. "I have heard of such a thing, but never met anyone who actually did that," is more or less what she said. We got into further discussion about it, but the end result was a realization on my part how powerful a testimony practicing abstinence is.

Sex is so very complicated. Well, in some ways - physically it seems to be a pretty straight forward affair. But going through pre-marriage training a few weeks ago revealed how many purposes sex has in a relationship. It bonds people together emotionally. It develops a relationship. Yes, it is (reportedly) fun. There are younglings that come out of it (that's pretty wild to think about, huh? life coming from love).

So yes, I am a virgin. And I'm not embarrassed of this. I am learning to embrace it, to celebrate it as beautiful. To cherish it as a rare gem. To be more diligent in protecting it.

Jesus looked deeper than mere physical formalities, however. He took things deep, right to the heart of the matter. For example, just looking at a woman lustfully, Jesus said, was adultery. Jesus raised the stakes of obedience, and I know that on that scale I have fallen short. There is mercy and redemption, thankfully.

And so, encouragement. To my Christian friends - don't look at the "no pre-marital sex" arrangement as a mere rule. It is so much more. It is an opportunity to shine Jesus. Don't be embarrassed at inexperience - cherish it as something beautiful and rare. Maybe there's been some mistakes. Start new. His mercy is new every morning.

I want to live my life for Him in every way, including sexually.

Only the Beginning

It's been a while, but much has happened since my last entry here.

Part 1: Bending my Knee

I spent the better part of last year praying, asking the "What's after college?" question that is running through many of the minds of those about to graduate. It was a series of interesting events that only make sense in hindsight. For one, I was certain that God would reveal all when I went to New Zealand. Well, in a way, He did, but not as I expected Him too (that's the problem about our wants when measured up against His, isn't it?).

Before leaving for New Zealand, I had been stuck on the word "generation," more specifically, my own generation. I didn't know what it was all about, or why I would be caught up on this word, but I went with it. While in New Zealand, I attended Arise Church and got involved in a small group there. One of the life group meetings was called a "Huge All In" and basically entailed all of the college age groups getting together for a night of worship and a message from the main pastor. Real cool. Anyway, while at this All In, I got an unexpected yearning for my generation and for the up and coming generations. We need to carry the gospel into the future, we need to be able to stand in the face of persecution and boldly shout back at the devil the one-word battle cry of the Rohirrim: "Death!" So there was piece number one: college students, my generation.

I took that one and kept it, obviously. It was such a beautiful moment, finding my heartbeat. However, so much was whirring around in my mind that had to be burned off. The Corinthians verse I identified, the pain of last semester and all of the refinement makes so much more sense now.

So, I took the one piece of the puzzle and tried to make it work in a variety of different ways. Should I be a Resident Director? A worker in the Office of International Programs? A Professor? All of those would allow for me to be in contact with the next generation, for sure, but none of them really seemed to be "it".

Instead of praying "God, what job should I have?" I began to pray "God, where is my mission field and how do I best accomplish that mission?" That made all the difference. I think it was the first Sunday in January that a vision was told about in church, which basically said that "you feel as though you've come to this place; you've been looking for a path, but don't see one ahead; the path will be clear" (extreme paraphrasing, but you get the drift). I knew it was for me, stood for prayer, was prayed over, and over the course of that week or the next few weeks, I arrived at what I had deep down known was the answer: college ministry. How will that look? What will I do? Well, that's up to God. But I do know that after bending my knee to God, I have been growing spiritually at a deeper level than words can go.

Part 2: Missionaries

I had the opportunity to go with my good friend Emily to her orientation with Globe International. Emily is in the process of becoming an overseas missionary and will be leaving to begin this adventure at the end of September. Two of my other good friends, Ashley and Michelle, also went through the orientation at the same time. I can't even begin to say how excited I am for them all!

The trip wasn't for me in the sense that I wasn't going there to be invested in myself, but rather I was going there to invest in them. When the realization of that hit me, it didn't bother me but only confirmed that I had made the right decision in coming. I want to be the defensive and offensive line for our missionaries. I was really impacted with all that it means to be an overseas missionary this weekend, and not just in the normal way, but spiritually, I seem to have "gotten it." On Tuesday night, we were worshiping together along with the current IGM class and it was just awesome when I thought about the company I was keeping. I know that they're people just like me, but at the same time they're not. They've been called to give it all in ways that in my foreseeable future I have not been.

In a way, my own "international adventures" chapter feels as though it was closed. I think my international experiences to this point have been purposeful, but not necessarily kingdom focused in the way that they would have to be to be an international missionary. And knowing that my mission field for the time being is amongst the "college-age" tribes, I am thankful for that realization. I can singlemindedly focus upon my own mission and not get caught up in my own ambitions.

Part 3: An Agent of His Provision and Love

I had an awesome experience today. Awesome. I was on my way home from the Ryder center after working out (2 mile run plus some upper body weight training...I was a stinky mess) and a woman approached me from one of the bus stops on campus.

"Baby girl, please help me! We need change to get on the bus to get home!" she said in a hoarse voice. "I've been in the hospital and I need to get home!"

Knowing what I know now, SVSU serves as a switching point for the local bus system. She and the man she was with needed $1.20 each in order to get on the next bus to get home.

"I don't have any change on me, but I'll be right back," I said as I set off. I don't think she believed me. I grabbed the last of the free money I had in my room and headed back to the bus stop. Now, what was neat about this whole situation was that it didn't feel like it was me doing this, and I don't know quite how to describe it other than that. I knew that I needed to get them this money, that I needed to pray with them, and that I would have just enough time to do both. Long story short, I was able to pray for Jackie and her sister Carolynn (in the hospital in an induced coma with pneumonia, if you feel like praying) and Leo, all for health and for peace. Just as I finished praying, the bus rolled up, Jackie hugged me, and we parted ways.

I am expecting more things like this, I suppose. I was so thankful to have been able to represent Jesus in this way, to have the boldness to know what to do and how to pray for them. A part of me wants to say "You've been had - they didn't need that money" or "Your prayers were too bold - healing for her sister? Healing for her arm?" But that doesn't matter. God will do what He will do, and somehow I do think that He may just have a miracle waiting for Jackie. Oh, how I hope so! But it's His name and His responsibility, I just obeyed what I knew I was supposed to do. Not so much for Leo, but for Jackie. I hope that she will grow closer with Him because of today.

And so, here I am at the end of one thing (college) and at the beginning of another. I am excited for what is coming, to see what God will do. I mean that with all of my heart. :)

All my love!

Gracie