I realized this summer how much of a quitter I can be, how if I am faced with a challenge, rather than rise and meet it with steely resolve, I am much more apt to shrink back into the shadows. Granted, I learned this lesson while rock climbing up and out of a cave; in that situation, there is no quitting. I had to get over it and climb on out of there.
Anyways, I am seeing that whole idea resurface, and I find that perhaps I was being primed to face some deeper challenges over the year. I recently felt like I hit a road block with my life at school. Books that I needed to study for tests didn't look like they were written in English. I couldn't pay attention to what professors were saying in my classes (again, it was like a foreign language). The scariest part was that I became an impartial observer to all of this mental mayhem, making comments to myself along the lines of, "Wow, I can't function anymore. Isn't that odd...oh well."
This, as my Resident Director pointed out, was a great sign that I had burned out and that I needed a break. I heeded this advice and retreated home for a while. And I really, really just wanted to stay there. If nothing else, I considered the fact that all I need to do is pass my classes and I would be set to graduate next spring.
But then, the dots were connected. Am I going to be a quitter? Or am I going to finish this race, and finish strong?
Courage has returned. I will finish this race of being an undergraduate college student, and I will do it in a way that reflects my God.
Fin.
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